cesary

I feel so damn numb..

I’m alive but stagnant.. I know why and I know the solution to it but I just can’t make myself move.

There are times I feel alone and lonely, even though I have everything I could ask for. It’s like there’s still something missing in my complex system.

Mom concluded for me saying “It’s because you’re yearning for some love that you really want to have, but you just can’t”. I keep on grinning and saying to myself “yeah, yeah”, but deep inside, it’s the truth. I will no longer deny it to myself. Yeah, I think I’m in the right age for a relationship.. but I just can’t have it yet. Why? because I have goals to achieve… I asked myself once, “can I have them both at the same time?”.. but mom awakened my idealistic thought while saying, “you can’t focus in achieving your goals if there’s something bothering your mind all the time”.. I just kept quiet. Deep inside I don’t need to argue because I know mom is right, all the time.

Now, I keep on awakening myself everyday, holding my heart in platinum-like restraint while keeping my brain in-charge.

If you imagined it right, it’s sad. Yeah, but in the end, I know all my sacrifices for the betterment of my family will come to fruition. Bro is there for me.

—————————-

Okay, so, enough with the drama and in to the heart-jumping excitement.

I met this guy, he’s cute, kind, and has a typical male-ego syndrome. Well, at first he was just a normal paint in the wall and I don’t care for him at all. but the time came that we were in the same shift of duty, I realized there’s more to him than just pampered-powder-face, and sinister-like but amazingly cute grin. He’s totally okay to  be with, we got along fine and I can say we’re in the getting to know stage of friendship. Every time I see him I can’t help but wonder, “why is this person so cute..” Hmm.. Because you know, I usually don’t get attracted easily to cute faced men, I wonder why the change.. Haha.. Usually, brain and personality matter most to me.

—————————-

I’m always looking forward to seeing you, everyday. You made me feel jittery-alive again, haha, parkinson’s? Nah, what I mean is, you’re painting my world with vibrant colors everyday. I’ts a good thing the word “inspiration” exist, it makes me wake up and move on everyday with a wide, big smile glued in face.

—————————-

♥ .. Time Will Tell .. ♥